Operation UNDERwhelm (For Women Only)

During my relationship coaching with women, they often complain that their partner rarely, if ever, expresses his true feelings.

Listen carefully. . .

Every man needs to have a supporting love partner who will not overwhelm him with her feelings every time HE does begin to let her know how HE feels.

From a man's perspective, some women can talk a situation into the ground. Men complain that women don't talk in a straight line; they take so many side trips that they can't keep up with the real issues in the conversation.

Men don't do it that way! Men like to get to the point, without interruptions, focusing on the solution as soon as the problem is learned and implement the solution quickly.

They often never communicate why they aren't talking and sharing with their partner, but during coaching will confidentially tell me that when they do, their partner always jumps in with her two cents worth and the conversation goes downhill from there.

His silent successes - what he has to share - contributes to the relationship and needs to be shared. What he cannot talk about, keeps him stuck.

When you listen, he learns it is safe to say what is in his heart - without judgments - and he is more likely to allow himself to become vulnerable again.

Not all women don't do it that way! Often without knowing it, they alienate their partner by showering him with how THEY feel in the same conversation. Not a wise idea.

Perhaps only listening might work better. You want that from him. Offer him the same courtesy.

You will have plenty of time to let him know how you feel at another time.

Listening validates his feelings. It helps overcome his fear of being vulnerable.

Most men don't feel like they are very good at communicating with their partner.

Have your foreplay with him be encouraging him to talk and promise only to listen. You can demonstrate your love and understanding by offering him a safe place to speak his feelings.

Back to all Relationships Articles

Copyright © 2002 - Larry James. Reprinted with permission. - This article is adapted from Larry's books, "How to Really Love the One You're With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship," "LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing" and "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers." Author Larry James presents seminars nationally for singles and couples. Subscribe to Larry's FREE monthly "LoveNotes for Lovers" eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimacy.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. LarryJames@CelebrateIntimacy.com - CelebrateIntimacy.com