Inhibitions! Be Gone!

Embarrassed to tell your lover what you really want? Communicate with the written word.

Set aside an evening to be together to write each other a brief list of special pleasures you would like to experience while making love.

Put on your most favorite music, light some candles, get in the mood.

It is important to understand that the intention of this process is not to express complaints about what the other person is NOT doing right, but to suggest "something else" you could do together to make your sexual encounter even better.

It will help you overcome your fear of saying what you want during sex.

Begin by telling your lover several things he or she is already doing to bring you pleasure.

Her list might read:

• "I love the way you kiss me. It tells me you care. I really enjoy being close to you and the way you run your fingers through my hair.

  An additional pleasure I would enjoy would be more time for foreplay. It helps me get ready. Touch me gently. You know where.

  Let me tell you when I am ready for you to enter me. I promise to give you a signal or say when next time.

  I love making love with you. Lead me to orgasm with only your fingers or a vibrator sometime.

  Very soon I want to let you watch me make love to myself. Very soon."

His list might read:

• "I love to feel your fingernails in my back, pulling me closer, while you whisper, 'I love you so much' and 'Harder, do it harder!'

  I feel really special when you tell me you are horny, when YOU initiate sex. It's a real turn-on for me.

  An additional pleasure I would enjoy is for you to vary the pressure you use when you give me a hand job. I promise to tell you when to use more pressure and when I am about to come, to do it harder.

  I love knowing you are open for a quickie now and then. I want you to tell me when you are nearing orgasm. I really want to know. Sometimes I cannot tell.

  I want you to know that I am willing to trade going down on you for a blowjob every once in awhile. I promise to tell you when I am about to come to give you the choice to continue or not.

  I want to please you and knowing I'm on the right track would help. I love the look on your face when you come."

Write all your future pleasures down, then exchange papers and get up the courage to read your lover's list aloud.

You may discover that you both desire similar things. "Oooh, great! I've been thinking about that one for a long time."

You may also find something on your partner's list that you have wanted to do but were afraid to ask. "I didn't know if you would like that!"

Love partners whose overall relationship is working well will hear their lover's words as inspiration. If your relationship is not working well, you may hear them as complaints.

Sometimes it is easier to write each other a note than to say what you want. You have to crawl before you can walk.

This process can help you let go of your inhibitions.

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Copyright © 2002 - Larry James. Reprinted with permission. - This article is adapted from Larry's books, "How to Really Love the One You're With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship," "LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing" and "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers." Author Larry James presents seminars nationally for singles and couples. Subscribe to Larry's FREE monthly "LoveNotes for Lovers" eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimacy.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. LarryJames@CelebrateIntimacy.com - CelebrateIntimacy.com