Many
men and women find themselves falling into patterns of getting involved
with the "wrong" kind of partner. This may prove to be
frustrating, resulting in a helpless feeling. The question "Why?"
is often asked. "Why do I keep getting involved with the same
kind of men/women?" Well, let me tell you. It is because you
aren't looking for early warning signs that signal you to get away.
It might also mean that you are unaware of the warning signs but
rationalize their potential ramifications. Be that as it may, you
are attracted to that "bad" trait or traits in men/women.
Consequently, those characteristics lead to unhealthy relationships.
The
only way to avoid repeating harmful patterns is to be able to recognize
the adverse signs early on. The earlier you see the signs, the easier
it is to avoid getting hurt emotionally. Change is not comfortable.
If you want to have a healthy relationship, you will have to learn
to be attracted to a different type of person. To do this, you need
to make slight changes. The easiest is to redirect your first conversations
with people you find attractive. These conversations should take
on a purpose of screening for unwanted traits.
When
a woman, for instance, gets caught up in conversation with an attractive
man, it's easy to get lost in his voice, eyes, touch, and so on.
Before you know it, the conversation meanders without a focus and
you have no idea if he shares similar bad traits as your ex. But,
you don't have to let this happen.
You
can set your goal to unveil the man's "crucial topics"
(issues that broke your previous relationship(s). For instance,
if your ex was an alcoholic, keep an eye out for how much he drinks
and how important alcohol is in his life. The key is to be casual
and not make it sound like you're interrogating him. Keep in mind
that he will have no idea what you are thinking, only that you are
having light conversation.
I'm
sure you have the idea: make a point of finding the signs of the
relationships that have impacted your past relationships negatively.
Regardless of how attracted you are to a man, don't rationalize
the red flags waving in front of your eyes. Making excuses for these
will lend itself to the same results you had with the last man-a
bad relationship.
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Nancy Fagan, M.S., author of “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to
Romance” and “Desirable Men: How to Find Them.” To read
more, visit www.ExpertLoveAdvice.com.
